Ted and Ralph are characters in the BBC sketch show the Fast Show, played by Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson respectively.
Ralph Mayhew was the lord of an estate in the English countryside; Ted was his Irish groundskeeper. Though a Lord, Ralph was actually relatively broke. He had a history of mental illness, for which he was hospitalized whilst at university. Ted, having worked for Ralph's parents, was the only person to visit him during this time.
Ted's wife, Esther (or Mrs. Ted), died toward the end of the third season. Ralph, who gave Ted the news, gave her eulogy. At the graveside, Ted collapsed with grief into Ralph's arms.
Ralph was secretly in love with Ted, and would conjure any excuse to spend time with him. This often had awkward results; Ralph would find Ted wherever he happened to be and ramble on at him, hoping to hit upon a topic in common. Gently turning down offers to spend time together, Ted would commonly answer 'I wouldn't know about that, sir.' Both men are protective of the other; Ralph has been driven to shouting in defense of Ted, and Ted doesn't allow anyone to hunt deer on the grounds, as Ralph likes seeing them.
The writers have indicated that both men are gay, and that Ted is deeply repressed.
Ralph eventually won Ted's affection by drunkenly performing a karaoke version of 'Hunka Hunka Burning Love' at a pub in front of all Ted's friends.
This sketch was expanded into a prequel film in 1998. Ted and Ralph chronicled Ralph's attempt to find and wed a woman in order to preserve his estate, which was legally handed down the maternal line, requiring him to marry and produce a female heir.